The slow run

The day I finished my first half marathon in under 2 hours, 1:59:09 more precisely. I first tried this 5 years ago finishing just 1 minute over the 2 hour mark. Do you remember that day when everything just worked? That the pieces fit? When you felt good, physically and mentally. When the weather was just fine, when you wanted it, when you talked nicely to yourself and offered huge support. The day you ran with gratitude, with confidence, with heart. This was the day.

I woke at 06:30, just in time for the sunrise, I was feeling cloudy although the sun was up and shining. I was afraid of the cold, but it was a delicious bonbon. My feet were stiff but rested. I got to the start line well in time, more time to stretch. That’s when I really woke up and told myself I will try today, no pressure. My training was not tip top the last few weeks. I did not train specifically for this endeavor. I took it lightly, I was not expecting for this to be the day. I just wanted to run my guts out. Yes, mental health is a real thing and I wasn’t really tip top here either the last few weeks.

So let’s go. I did the calculations and a 5:30 – 5:40 min/km would bring me there, to my goal. But I will just try to keep it up for how long I can. I usually ran out of steam around kilometer 14. So wherever I can get, let’s go. I switched mentally. The last few months I read a lot of running books, from Dean Karnazes to Scott Jurek. A lot about ultra running. I remembered a few things. It’s always about the next step, the next kilometer, imaginary goals. The mind breaks. The feet hurt, your legs cramp, your stomach can ache, but your brain breaks you. In a true story at an ultra the first place athlete fell to the ground and couldn’t move anymore just 500 meters before the finish line; after running like over 100 kilometers until then. Scott’s hypothesis about this: the brain thought it’s over before it was over, it shut down, hard shut down. Well, I managed to be kind to my brain, I told it nicely I will do my best to keep up this pace, it’s ok if we do not succeed for the entire 21 km, but I will do my best to keep this pace for as long as I can. And I gain confidence with each passing kilometer, I was spot on the clock, clocking 5:20 to 5:40 min/km. 3 km, 5, 10, 15.. I was in the game.

I was afraid of the incline going up on Victory Street, funny name. That’s where I proved myself, I told myself this is where “men are built”. I kept the same pice despite of the incline and heavy feet. I took notice of my pains, of how I feel. I understood myself, I slowed down just a bit when the muscles seemed to cramp up too much, and accelerated when things got better. I was in touch with my body.

I knew I had a chance, I was running the numbers and they made sense, keep going at 5:45 min/km for the next 3 kilometers and I will make it. Damn, it’s real. No pressure. It’s ok if doesn’t happen but I will try my best – I kept telling myself. And it was working, the shade helped and I was pushing into 5:20 zone, overtaking other runners that had the same goal. Slow down horsie, I don’t want you to loose your valuable breath just now. I felt too good today to have this. My heartbeat staid low, especially on the first 10km, this was out of this world for me, I was gliding at a higher than usual pace, feeling good and breathing like on a fast walk.

I slowed down just a bit, said hi and bravo to someone I knew and kept on going towards “Victory square”. I felt it. It’s good, I can do this. And so I took a sip of water and pounded on. Last 2 kilometers. Will this be the day?

YES YES YES. I kept the pace, when I turned right and had the finish line in sight I went all in. This was happening, I was so happy, I felt like I did something, I finally managed to do something of value, for myself. I finished in 1:59:09 with an average pace of 5:37 min/km, best pace ever for me on such a distance. Just five days ago on a training run I barely kept a 5:55 min/km pace with a lot of walking in between. Today was special. I was nice to myself, not just nice, I cared. I supported myself. I did not put a big pressure, I enjoyed the faster pace, without much training. I breathed, I ran, I took notice of what was hurting. I understood myself and I got a present. I nicely wrapped gift, an unexpected one. It’s possible. I can be good to myself and achieve things. This is actually the main point. 1:59 is just an arbitrary goal. Not an impressive one either even for an amateur runner. But it goes beyond the result, it’s the process. the freakin process was enjoyable, the zone felt better than ever, that focus. WOW!

Cheers to more days like this. It’s not always going to be like this, bad days exist, bad prepping, bad state of mind, it’s a rollercoaster, it’s life, it’s running, the same. But enjoy that day, that freakin’ day where you manage to be kind enough that everything fits and the universe gives you a blank check and you sign your name on it with sweat and happy tears. Peace.